I found this on socials last week; I feel like this is such a profound truth. Even though I loved this when I saw it, it instantly made me sad. It's not a great feeling to have been given up on; it's always in the back of my mind, me wondering if it'll happen again. Starting over in life in your late forties is both humbling and terrifying.
These are a few of my favorite things, except for the one about enjoying a clean home that I didn't clean. I have only experienced that once or twice in my life, but honestly? I enjoy cleaning my own home. I take pride in it, and I love the structure and routine of putting it all back in order and then the task of keeping it tidy. And then there are other days when the same things sit on the kitchen counters for days on end, but life is about balance, right?
Will my Flair felt tip pens ever not make me happy? The answer is no.
I ordered these new Reef sandals recently and tested them at work last week. They're wonderful! Here's a link if you'd like to check them out. I wasn't sure about the cream color, but I really like them. I love that all the straps are adjustable and that the bottom is cork.
I've been on the struggle bus a lot lately with feelings and emotions. I think it's partly because of the impending date of my ex-husband marrying the woman he left me for. Can I be candid for a minute? I don't want him back, but I also kind of hate the thought of him being so "happy" now. I said that word with quotations because even if he thinks he's happier with her, I know that deep down, he isn't. He has a God-sized void in his life that he's trying to fill; she'll be a fix temporarily or permanently, I don't know the time frame, but I know that unless he finds God, he will never be content. She suits him, because she was also married when they began their affair. And then about a week after our divorce was official, they began living together. Something so illicit usually doesn't last; I know all this, but still the struggle is there. These are the thoughts that keep me awake a lot at night, and I've been having vivid dreams involving them lately. That happened a lot at the beginning, too. All that to say, I could use some prayer, if you're the praying type. Thanks for always letting me be so vulnerable here; I really do feel as if this is a safe space.
Needless to say, a lot of what I've written above is still me mourning what was, even if that was an illusion on my part. I still experience the death of my hopes and dreams in life daily, and this reminder was such a beautiful part of my morning one day recently.
And just because now we all need to laugh a little after the serious turn this took, these two things above made me laugh so hard when I saw them on IG.
I loved this one, too. I need this reminder constantly!
Do you have thoughts about any of these things? I'd love to hear from you! I'll see you back here tomorrow, friends. Love to all!
Jenn
Your emotions sound so normal regarding what is happening in your ex's life. Agree about it sounding like he's trying to fill a void. The sandals you ordered are so cute! They look great with your capri jeans. I love that you bought season tickets to see Broadway tickets. You truly don't need to be on Broadway in NYC to see great shows!! Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteAlways appreciate how honest and vulnerable you are- despite it all I think you are doing so well and proving just how strong you are. This is going to be a tough time for all of the reasons you shared- it is ok to be in the feels- you got this Mama XOXO
ReplyDeleteThe first meme is so true. You are not the same person; he is not the same person. It's not your fault that he wasn't willing/capable of growing with you. I love the list of little happies. You are good about writing those down.
ReplyDeleteYour feelings are real, valid, and expected. Hold your head up high, try to "let them" - lol, and go out of town and have a wonderful time.
I think the remarriage piece would be hard for anyone. I think too, new relationships are going to have their issues and problems. Maybe not initially, but then routine sets in and all the rest. The problems might be different problems but there will still be ups and downs to navigate. Marriage requires us to feed and water it 'til death do us part'. I'm sorry you didn't get that loving care and effort you should have been given xo
ReplyDeleteThese are great reminders and I always love that no weapon shall prosper reminder. I am so glad the shoes are a win to be comfortable and cute!
ReplyDeleteJenn, truly...they are not worth your worries or your dreams. Yes, he's never going to be a fulfilled person without God, but worse...he has to live with himself and the woman that's just as morally corrupt as he is. That's a character issue that will always be a part of their marriage and identity. The mistrust, the knowledge that they both can lie to a spouse, are horrible role models for their kids and they will never fully trust one another, deep down. Even if they stay married for years, they will carry the weight of those things for as long as it lasts. Sometimes life has a way of ridding us of what no longer benefits us or our own health. I'm not saying it's not a loss. I'm just saying that he wasn't the man you would want for the longterm anyway. He has a lack of integrity. You're worth so much more.
ReplyDeleteThat first image is so true. My fella and I am such different people from when we first met, I think that is a good thing. Those sandals are so pretty and look comfy too.
ReplyDelete