hello Monday

 

Happy Monday, friends! How was your weekend? I'm linking up with Holly and Sarah to talk about mine. 

Once again, I don't have a lot of pictures. I don't know when this will start back up, but I'll share what I can when I finally start taking some again. On Friday after work, I followed through with a hard decision I made about the dog Chris and I accidentally got back in January. Reese was the dog we got for his dad, but then Joe changed his mind about her. When I reached out to him last week, I begged him to take one of Chris' dogs, and he took me up on that. So on Friday, I sobbed the whole way home from work (and throughout the whole day I cried), packed her up, loved on her some more, and then drove her to meet Joe and his girlfriend. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world to do, but I was immediately relieved following this. I had wanted to keep her, but I am just not in a place in life where I want my own dog. I don't know that I ever will again, honestly, but I love other people's dogs! I'm so grateful Joe took her, and think they'll make the very best of companions. 

Immediately following me dropping Reese with Joe and Marta, I met Marilyn for dinner; I'd asked to go out for Mexican and a margarita, since I knew I'd be staying home Saturday night. It was a good decision, since both were delicious! I was super emotional after having dropped Reese off with Chris' dad, so I was so glad to be with a friend. I was okay by the time she got there; after dinner we went back to her house. I stayed until close to nine, then I needed to leave to go let my friend's dog out for her; I dog sat for my friend Heather this weekend. 

I woke up around six thirty on Saturday; I immediately fed dogs, then left to take care of Annie. I came home and enjoyed some coffee, and was entertained by Stella. I had a few phone calls as I sat drinking coffee and having a tv show playing in the background for noise. 

I did a few things around my house, then I went swimming for the day. It was supposed to have been just for a couple hours, but it turned into a whole day when Drew texted me bout coming over with Mallory. I loved this! Jonah and Noah ended up coming as well, and my heart was happy. 

They followed me home, and it was so nice! We ate leftovers for dinner and just sat around talking as it thunder stormed outside until close to nine. I was so tired from all the sun that day, but it was a good kind of tired. 

I went to my new church yesterday! I walked in alone; Jonah had a little accident on his four wheeler this weekend and didn't feel well enough to come with me. I totally understood that and was just fine walking in on my own. That kind of thing has never bothered me. After church, I went to Kroger and got a few things for my lunches, then I came home and piddled around the house. I also took a little nap on my bed, which was decadent. I cleaned, I vacuumed, then I finished laundry. I ate dinner and watched Grey's Anatomy while I worked on my blog for the week, then I got the exciting news that we have a two hour delay tomorrow due to storm damage from Saturday night. I'm thankful that I didn't have any damage, but plenty of people did. 

I was entertained by the dogs for the rest of the night. It was a great Sunday, and honestly the whole weekend felt that way. It was a good blend of being out and being at home with my sons and then alone. I am not sure how my day will feel; I was emotional on Friday, and I feel like I'll be the same way today. Chris' dogs are going to a rescue today, and my friends are taking them for me. I know it's something I have to do, but it doesn't hurt any less. Please pray for them, that they will adjust and be adopted by loving people. And please pray for me to have the strength to say goodbye this morning. This is the final little piece of him that I'm letting go of physically. I'll continue to carry him in my heart, of course, but there's finality with today. 

Thank you! I made myself cry writing that. I'll see you back here tomorrow. Love to all.

Jen 🖤

Friday Favorites, 8.21.2026.

 

Happy Friday, friends. It's been a week! I hope yours has been a good one; mine has for the most part. I feel like I survived a milestone, and I did. I'm proud of myself! I have a few things that are my favorites from the week that I thought I'd share today; this is me trying to resume a sense of normalcy for this space that doesn't feel fake or forced. Today's post feels natural. 

Reading has been my favorite lifesaver this week! I started this on Tuesday; it's so good. I read it in bed each night, which is a gap in time that I'm looking to fill. It's when I would talk to Chris each night, and I cannot scroll on my phone. This is my favorite author of all time; anything she writes is gold for me.

All of these grief accounts are popping up on my socials; this was a favorite that I came across this week.

This is my new favorite devotional that I do each morning; my friend at work introduced me to it on Tuesday. You listen to Scripture, and then you sing the song that accompanies it. It's put out by one of my favorite groups, Shane & Shane. 

I have never felt so seen in all of my life; our resource officer at school remembered that the blue packets are my favorite to flavor my water with, and he brought this bag he'd been saving for me this week. I could have hugged him right then and there! 

Mornings have been my favorite this week; this is how I've been spending them.

This little emotional support plant has been my favorite this week; it's been a good reminder for me. 

These paintings by my favorite local kiddos were something I loved finding last Friday night when I went to lay down for bed. Abbey's kids painted these for me; this passage is my favorite in Scripture. 

The 100+ degree temps this week have not been my favorite. I'm so ready for fall! 

Lastly, my friend Sandy at church sent me this graphic; it's my favorite! This is a heart with patches added from grief or hurt; with each piece, it becomes more and more of a work of art. 

What was a favorite for you this week? I'd love to hear from you! Thanks for reading my blog today, and thank you for all the kind comments this week. Love to all! 

Jen 

little bits of joy

 

Happy Thursday, friends. I just looked at the bottom of this graphic that still has my old blog name; I need to update some of those on Canva soon! I may work on that this weekend. I have had some little bits and pieces of joy this week that I want to share today...I've had enough of myself being gloomy. (It's not going away fully, but I don't want every post to be that way.) Anyway, here are some things that made me smile this week. 

Being back at work and receiving a ton of sweet hugs on Monday started patching up my broken heart. It was so good to see my friends and co-workers, and to see the smiles of the kids I've grown to love so much. The littles in my class were so happy to see me back; I'm excited to get to know them more in the coming days. 

My friend Karen at work just makes me so happy. Her transparency and genuineness are something to behold. I'll never forget walking out of the ICU the night that Chris died and seeing her sitting there; she took one look at my face and burst into tears the minute she saw me. I think we bonded forever in those moments. Just texting her and knowing she's there are a big reason why I love work so much, even if I don't see her as often as I did last school year. I have a fifteen minute window of time each afternoon that I just go and sit in her room as I transition from when my little student goes home and my dismissal assignment. 

Monday night made me smile because I was so tired after work, in the best of ways. I was sitting with my legs up on my couch working on a blog post for this week, when I heard the front door open. My best friend Missy walked right in and just sat down. She said she "needed to lay eyes on me" after my first day back at work. I love her for this! She doesn't call or text, she just shows up. I love that my sons communicate with her the way they do, too. This is the gift that friendship is, and I am so very grateful for my people. 

I briefly saw Abbey's sweet kiddos this week as well, on the same night as Missy, and that brought a huge smile to my face. They wanted to come in so badly, but they'd been sick and it was slowly moving its way through their family. I remember those days! 

I've had two separate instances in which friends that aren't that close needed to stop by to hug me and to bring me something. I loved this; one of them is a friend I used to pray with when my sons were younger. We were two of the people who started up a local chapter of a prayer group for moms with kids in public schools. We would meet in homes for an hour each Monday, pray, then write letters to the staff members whose names we lifted up. It was a really sweet time in my life, and we hope to go to lunch sometime soon. The other couple who stopped by is from my old church; they brought me fresh baked chocolate chip cookies on Monday night. They are so good, and it was the sweetest gesture. 

Laughing in the fourth grade has been wonderful this week. The teacher that I'm with is hilarious and sarcastic, and all of her quips fall short on young ears, but I'm just always back there laughing. I love her! 

Speaking of fourth grade, we have a field trip coming up that I can't wait to go on! I've not been on a field trip since my kids were young. We're going to the high school in town to see the play, How to Train Your Dragon. After that we'll have a picnic lunch at the school if the weather permits; if not, we'll eat in our classrooms that day. 

Meeting some new friends of my sons this week was something that brought a smile to my face. One of them was a girl! ;) 

I haven't been able to watch tv a lot, so I've spent a lot of time reading and listening to music. I finished a book this week, my one and only of the summer, and started another one that is moving faster for me. It's a favorite author of mine that I love, and it just makes me so happy to read it and get lost in the story. I've also been reading and using some resources that I've been given over the past couple of years; I love it when a book has a part for the morning and evening. These things help me to feel close to the Lord. 

Lastly, it makes me smile that I have a plan in place for church this week; I'm going back to the church that I had started with Chris. I told Jonah this last night when he asked me if I was going, and he said he wanted to go with me. Ummm, okay! That hasn't happened in a very long time, and nothing makes me happier. 

What's something good from your week? I'd love to hear! Thanks for reading today, friends. Love to all!

Jen

the Wednesday hodgepodge

 

Happy Wednesday, friends! I'm linking up with Joyce for today's hodgepodge post. I'll jump right in!

1. August 19th is National Aviation Day...do you like to fly? When was the last time you were on an airplane? The date is chosen in honor of the history and development of aviation, and celebrated on the birthday of Orville Wright. Have you ever been to the Kitty Hawk area of North Carolina or the city of Dayton, Ohio (their birthplace)? I don't enjoy flying; I prefer for my travel to be on the ground, just because I'm scared of heights. The last time I flew was this past March, when I visited my family in Colorado. I've never been to either city. 

2. In what area of your life do you tend to "wing it"? I tend to wing it in the area of food or dinner. I don't often know what I'm going to make for dinner from week to week, at least not on my own. I was better about that with Chris, but now...

3. A favorite book, song, or movie that relates to flight in some way? Without a doubt, Topgun was the first thing that came to mind. I'm still obsessed with both movies! 

4. Soft serve, gelato, sherbet, frozen yogurt, or good old fashioned ice cream...what's your pleasure? Your favorite flavor? How often do you indulge? I really love frozen yogurt and prefer that over any of these other types of dessert. My favorite thing to do at the local yogurt place is to mix salted caramel with dark chocolate. It's delicious! It's been a while since I've had any...maybe I need to make that happen this week. 

I can't talk about froyo without thinking of getting that with Marilyn at the beach last summer; I was cracking up over all her containers of the sweet stuff!

5. I never get tired of reading blogs and writing blog posts. 

6. Insert your own random thought here. I noticed that I haven't been taking pictures like I normally do; I can't seem to gather up the care enough to do things. I realize that sounds alarming, but I've never experienced the grief that I'm experiencing right now. It's unlike anything else I've ever been through, and honestly, it's the worst thing I've gone through to date. I don't wish it on anyone. I just thought divorce was bad, and it was, but this is so much worse. I know that sounds strange, but it's the truth. 

I hate to end on that kind of a note, but it's kind of where I am right now. I know you'll understand this, and I appreciate the kindness you keep showing me. Thanks for reading today, friends. I hope to return to my cheerful self sometime soon. I hope I don't run you off. Ha! I'll see you back here tomorrow. Love to all!

Jen

 

from my heart...a rambling post of words

Happy Tuesday, friends! I can't believe how quickly August has slipped by; but then again, yes I can. As of yesterday, we had two full weeks of the month left, and then my favorite time of year starts. I plan on doing some things around my house this week to celebrate that, so stay tuned! I've been consumed with all that took place over the last week and a half, so because of that, I'm not linking up for Fashion Files today. Honestly, outfits have been the furthest thing from my mind. Today is going to be a long post of rambling about all the things in my brain. Buckle up! (My graphic is from August 3rd and not accurate.)

Yesterday was both a good day and a hard day; I'd anticipated that, to be honest, so it didn't come as a surprise. I was so tired by the end of the day, and so grateful that my sweet friend Abbey brought us dinner. Anytime that I get to see her is good for my heart! I'm very anxious (in a good way) to start living my life again, so I'm looking forward to doing things after work soon. Once again, I have a new normal to adjust to, and I'm okay with this. I know you might be wondering what's next for me, and honestly, I am wondering the same thing. I know a hundred percent that I loved Chris, and we had hoped to get married on New Year's Eve 2027 in an early evening ceremony so that everyone could go on their merry way afterward and celebrate the start of a new year. 

I don't say that to make you sad for me, I'm just sharing the truth here. All of that to say, I do not plan on "getting back out there" anytime soon. I do not want to even think about dating for now, and I've told the Lord this in my prayer time. Even after I grieve and heal, I don't know that I'll be interested ever again in getting on another dating app. I figured the Lord can just put someone on my path if that's what He has for me, but I am not wanting that anytime soon. Like I said, all of this is too fresh, and I can't even think about that right now. I hope to lean heavily on my friends during this time. I am not interested in "going out" in the way that others go out; I'm never opposed to dinner and a margarita, but I have zero interest in anything other than that. 

What I do hope to do is work on my home! I still plan on selling my house in the next few years; there are lots of spaces I can work on to get ready for that in the meantime. I have a few home projects that I would like to tackle...I'd love to paint my front door, and maybe even the handrails on my stairwell. Chris had been working on getting me an iron handrail, but I just might use paint instead. I'm not sure about that yet, but I would like to figure something out. 

On the topic of projects, I mentioned yesterday that I went to lunch with some older lady friends after church on Sunday. One of them, Faye, lost her husband seven months ago. She shared that she'd recently read that if you're grieving a loss of any sort, that when you do a project of some sort, that it helps your brain to heal from the tear that happened as a result of the loss of a loved one. I thought that was interesting as well, that your brain physically tears or changes when you lose someone you deeply loved. And how cool that doing a project helps it to heal! It makes sense, right? It's good to stay busy when life is hard; none of us need to stay home and "wallow" for too long. I say that lightly, because wallowing is healthy as well...but there's a balance. 

I am also planning on using work as a project. I talked to Amy yesterday before I went to work, and she suggested that. I loved the advice, and I'm going to use it for the future. What that means for me is that I'm going to take advantage of working for a school; I'll use my pass to go to football games for free, I'll go out with co-workers for cocktail hour, I'll attend the high school plays. I'm going to make good use of my free time now that I'm living life solo again and am looking forward to doing more things with my work family. 

All of this to say one thing: I am going to be okay. It's different, not what I would have chosen for myself, and will take adjusting on my part, but I can say confidently that I will be okay. I have my sons, my family, my friends, my work, and most importantly, my Jesus. I am clinging to Him with everything in me, and I know He will get me through anything. I'm not the only person on earth ever to walk through some tough seasons, and I won't be the last. Many of you have called me strong here...I don't feel that way very often, but I know that God within me is strong and He is the one giving me strength. 

There's a passage that talks about this; it's when Paul had asked the Lord a few times to take away the thorn in his flesh (so to speak), and each time the Lord didn't take it away. He told Paul that His power was perfected in Paul's weakness, so that when Paul was weak, people would know that the Lord was strong. You can find that in 2 Corinthians 12, around verse 9. I will also say to you what I've been thinking on the last few days: I don't like trials, but when I walk through them, I feel closer to the Lord than ever before. It's the reminder of me being unable to do things on my own, but when I've got Him to lean on, than anything is possible. 

These are just the thoughts rolling around in my brain. I would say expect more posts like this as time goes on; I'm feeling more wordy and less link party, not that a thing is wrong with them. I just need to write, honestly, and this is like free therapy for me, so I'll keep doing this. Thank you for your kindness and encouragement, and for always being here to read. Love to all 

Jen 

hello Monday

 

Happy Monday, friends. Before I get started today, I wanted to thank you for all the sweet comments, prayers, emails, and messages about Chris. I have to say that it was the prayers of people who love me who helped me through all of last week. I'm so grateful for all of you, and for this sweet community of people here who love and encourage me. I also have to say that I am so glad last week is over and that this week is a fresh start. I'm going back to work today, and I am so excited. 

I didn't do that much this weekend; Friday took everything out of me. I was fueled by a sick stomach and a ton of energy even though I didn't sleep a wink the night before. I had a lot of people coming over that afternoon after the funeral, so I stress cleaned all morning. I also did a little bit of laundry, and then I vacuumed. There has been a steady stream of people in and out of my house since Friday, August 7th. I've become accustomed to people just walking right in the front door, and I love that people feel at home enough with me to do that. 

Anyway, after a morning of cleaning and getting ready, it was finally time to leave for the funeral that I'd been dreading. I have pictures on my phone that I've hidden in a folder so that I won't see them every time I look for a picture; I won't share those here, because it seems very private. But I will share these two.

The funeral was lovely; I did a great job with the music, if I do say so myself. My friend Will did the service, and he did an exceptional job with sharing a message that was perfectly timed. There were so many people there, which I loved. Have you ever been to a funeral that wasn't well attended? I have, and it's heartbreaking. There was a great turnout for this one. So many of the people were there for me; it was for that reason that I kept the guest book. There was a moment at the end before they closed the casket that all of his racing friends went up there and prayed; they invited me up there as well, and I love that they surrounded me like this. I held it together that day really well, except for the beginning and again at this point. Then at the graveside, they all took off their leather racing jackets and laid them on his coffin. I lost it at this point once again, because it was such a beautiful gesture. 

We came to my house after this, and I only have these pictures to prove that to be true. 

I wish I'd gotten these when Trish was still here, but she had to leave a little earlier. People have been so sweet to continue to provide food for me; Missy told me this weekend that it will continue through the end of this month. I have been inviting people over to eat with me to help me eat it all; I don't want to waste the food, and I'm sending home leftovers with people. As I write this, I have so many desserts: a brownie trifle, strawberry cake, two chocolate bundt cakes, a cobbler, and some apple crumpets. 

Early Saturday morning, I took Lisa to the airport to get her back home. She was directing a wedding that same afternoon, so it was a busy day for her! I'm so grateful she could be here with me for a solid week; when she found out that Chris had died, she was in her car driving to the airport an hour later headed here to me. She flew a redeye flight to be here by 9:30 Saturday morning, and we didn't stop the whole day. I relied heavily on her and Trish all week, and I missed Debi; she couldn't be here because of a work trip later that she had to be on, but I know her heart was here with us everyday. I dropped Lisa off at the airport and then proceeded to cry the whole way home. I just drove, and cried, and prayed. 

It was my first "normal" day at home mostly alone. I did mundane things that needed to get done; I washed my sheets,  towels, and pajamas, I cleaned out my refrigerator and pantry, I cleaned out the hall closet, and then I binge watched America's Sweethearts. I took a nap, I ate some leftovers, I talked on the phone, I laughed, and I cried. But I made it through the first "normal" day/Saturday. I also watched a sermon from my old church that multiple people told me to watch, including the Pastor. And about church...

I loved my new church. I still love the new church. But I cannot step foot back inside that lovely place without Chris; I don't think my heart could take it, as sad as that makes me. It's funny how the thing that drove me away is the same thing that's bringing me back to my old church. I left my old church because of memories and because of the fact that people knew me and my story so well. But in the last week, it's been those very people who have surrounded me and reached out to me. The people from Living Hope have done the same thing, though...but I'm not as known there as I am at CFBC. So it's there that I started back to yesterday, right beside my best friend, Missy. I honestly don't know how long this will last; I started writing this before I went to church yesterday morning. It was so strange going in there yesterday; it didn't feel normal or even right. I realize I don't have to figure it all out overnight.

I'm so grateful for my friends and family. I know I keep saying that, but it's true and is worth mentioning a million more times. It's how I was able to go to church yesterday; I had people to sit by who love me and who just constantly surround me with support. I don't have to be anyone else than just me when I'm with them there, and that was what felt good. After the service, an older friend of mine invited me to lunch with her and some friends, so I took her up on her offer. We had a delicious lunch; I was so sleepy afterward, so I turned on a comedy show on Netflix (Leanne Morgan) and fell asleep on the couch. For the rest of the night, I took it easy. I ate dinner, I worked on my blog for the week, and I brainstormed with Jonah over what to do with these dogs of his that I still have. I went to bed pretty early to get ready for the new week at work. Wish me luck! 

I'm not sure how much I'll be here this week, but I'm going to try. I want to get back to all of my normal routines, because I think it will help me. Thanks for reading today, friends, and for always being here for me. Love to all.

Jen 

thank you

 

Dear friends, 

Thank you for reaching out to me lately as many of you have; thank you for always encouraging and supporting me. I'm devastated to tell you that my beloved Chris ran into the arms of Jesus on Friday night. We had thought he was getting better, but over the course of a couple of nights, he took a turn for the worse. His body couldn't handle the septic shock and double pneumonia, young as he was. He honestly shouldn't have died because of his age, his healthy lifestyle, and because he was in the ICU; but even if this shouldn't have happened, I have to remind myself that God numbers our days. He knew that Chris would be born at a certain time, and that he would die at a certain time. I believe that God knew that Chris had fulfilled his purpose here on earth, and then He called him home. 

I'm forever changed by this man. Through him, my damaged heart healed. Through him, my sons found refuge in having someone to talk to for wise advice, support, and encouragement. Through him, I found out for the first time what it is like to be truly loved the right way by a man. I'm grateful for the time I had with him, and I will miss him until my dying breath. 

I don't really understand why things like this happen, and that's okay. I have questions that I keep asking God, but I know that He loves me. He knows what heartache feels like and He records the tears I cry and treasures them. It's with Him that I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I will make it through this. I have Him by my side, and I have the love and strength of an army of people here with me. 

My sons have barely left my side. My sister Lisa flew in on a redeye flight Friday night/Saturday morning and slept in the Atlanta airport as she waited to come home to me. Trish has been here to do all the practical things that need doing, and I've FaceTimed Debi a few times since she can't be here. My Missy has been with me a lot, as well as Marilyn and my co-workers. It's been nonstop traffic at my house, and I'm grateful. I've also had to ask people to leave so that I could go to bed or take a nap. It's been so much, but again...the body of Christ in the form of the church is incredible, and I am surrounded.

I've received cards, food for the army of people that are here with me, flowers, Door Dash gift cards...and many words of love. Many, many prayers have been spoken over us all as we grieve. In the midst of my grief, I'm planning his funeral. Chris' dad is alive, but his mental wellbeing isn't in the best state. He's thrown out some opinions, but it's me and Lisa that have planned the funeral and fought the life insurance company to ensure it would be able to be held on Friday of this week. I've also had to deal with his truck and camper that were at my house, so we've been all over the city to see where we had to go to turn things back into the bank.. And his dogs are still at my house, y'all. I've decided to keep our little Reese, but I cannot keep his other two. Please pray that these dogs are rehomed to someone who will love them as much as Chris did. It tears me up to have to do that, but I simply cannot keep them. It's too much. 

I just wanted to write here for a bit and say hello and tell you what was going on. Please keep us all in your prayers as we walk toward Friday and his funeral. I anticipate the weekend being hard on me when the dust settles, so to speak, and it's after that final piece of closure, so I'll need some plans. I plan on going back to work on Monday, though, and I cannot wait. I need to be back there as soon as possible. I need to be with all of my people and I hope to stay busy. 

Life will look different for me in the coming days and I will have to adjust to a new normal again, but I'm okay with that. I have a plan in place and I have people that I will lean on; I'm also planning on returning to my old church, as they are the ones that are my family right now and I need them the most. And honestly, I don't think I can go back to the new one we'd been going to without Chris, because we loved it there so much. I need familiar right now, and my friends at CFBC are the ones that feel like that. I'm so grateful to have this "problem", though...how amazing is the body of Christ? 

I may be back here on Monday just to restart my new normal again...I can't say that with certainty, but being here is like therapy for me, and so is writing. Thank you for reading my words and encouraging me. Thanks for cheering me in on my journey with Chris this last year; it was unforgettable. I know I'll have joy once again soon...I know he would have wanted me to carry on with my life. 

Love to all.

Jen ❤️