Tuesday, November 19, 2024

how I cope when life is hard


Happy Tuesday, friends! This isn't my normal kind of post, but it's something I want to talk about since it's what I face some days. I want to share what I do to try to help me through the barrage of emotions that often come my way each day. These things that I do can be helpful for a lot of different circumstances, not just what I'm going through. It's such a wonderful, magical time of year, but these days bring up a lot of feelings for so many of us! That being said, I hope you find some helpful advice while you read my post today, especially as we get closer to the holidays.


Because I have had so much change in my life this year, I seem to go back and forth with my feelings, and I have days when I struggle with my thoughts. It's like my mind never stops reeling and I have all of them at once. The first thing I do on days like this is to pray, which I always try to stop right then and do, but sometimes that doesn't seem to work. I'm just being honest, here. There is a verse that I like to pray when I go through such times. 


We demolish arguments and every proud thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to obey Christ. 2 Corinthians 4b-5


I know that when I have times like this, it's the enemy messing with me. I try to be intentional with my time and thoughts by thanking God for the many things I have to thank Him for, but even still, some days are just hard. I guess I say this to express that even though most days I try to be upbeat and positive, I am not always that way. I know that these feelings won't last, but I do have to sit with them for a minute before trying to move on. Even my counselor suggests that, to give a voice to what I'm feeling and to try to work through it. 


The second thing I do while I'm still praying is to begin thanking God for all that He has done in my life, and for praising Him for who He is. Here are some of His wonderful attributes that are praiseworthy:


  • He is holy
  • He is omniscient and knows everything that we are going through
  • He is loving
  • He is merciful
  • His word is true and He is completely reliable
  • He is sovereign over everything: time, circumstances, and all of creation
  • He is faithful
  • He never changes and will never let me down

Another thing I do often, even on the days when I don't struggle, is listen to worship music. It's so uplifting to me, and before I know, my mood will have turned around. 


I do not neglect my quiet time, no matter how much I'm not feeling it that day. The thing is, even on our very worst days, it's a great day to be in the word of God. Somehow, even when we're struggling to pay attention even as we listen to the word being read to us aloud, it still seeps into our heart. It's important to keep showing up daily for this time with Jesus, if you're a believer. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, either, and there's no right or wrong way to go about this! This could be time just spent reading the Bible, it could be time spent by doing a daily devotional, or you could just follow a simple Scripture writing plan, like I did for years. That may be one of my favorite things to do, by the way, write out the word of God. For me, to write it is to commit it to my heart. 


If you want to do that this holiday season, here's a link for you to use. This is Shannon from Sweet Blessings blog who put together a writing plan for us for years; she stopped doing this a couple of years ago, but the plans are still available. Go to this page, click on her link, and you'll be redirected to a One Drive link where you can pick your plan. 


I also don't spend too much time alone. If I'm not leaving my home on days like this, I call my people. This could be my mom, my sisters, or my friends. I'm always grateful when they answer my many calls! This is something that is hard for me, because I love being at home and watching movies or shows. As much as I love being there, I can only handle so much of it, if that makes sense. That being said, if I stay home from Sunday afternoon and don't go anywhere on Monday, I am always more than ready to go to work on Tuesdays. It's good to be with people we love to be with!


Lastly, I choose joy. Every single time, even on the hardest of days, I have so much to be thankful for. The minute I start focusing on anything other than my own circumstances, my outlook changes. It's why I share my thankful Thursday posts each week, because it's true and heartfelt. I have so very much to be thankful for, and I never want to take any of that for granted. Trust me when I say that I have my days when I just struggle nonstop, no matter what I do. Even on those days, though, I try to have something to look forward to, no matter how big or small. We should all look forward to things more! I don't know how exactly it is that we can start to have that personality trait, but I equate it to be eternally optimistic and easily excitable. Is that even a phrase? It should be, if not! Even if I'm not feeling joyful, I put a smile on my face and I pretend until it becomes more real. And it always does! 


Here are a few other things we can do to be a good friend to those who are hurting:

  • pray for them
  • call them regularly
  • text them often to check in on them
  • invite them into your home and life; don't make them have to ask

These are things I've appreciated the last few months; some of these are things that I would love to happen to me, particularly the one about being invited. Life just feels hard a lot, you know? Regardless of what someone goes through, I think it's so good to be sympathetic and to have empathy for those who are hurting. I think we should always be sensitive to what we share with people who are facing hard things. 


I guess another reason why I'm sharing this is to also ask you to keep praying for me. I desperately need it! Part of my struggle is because I'm facing my first set of holidays without my dad on earth. But mostly it's also because of the death of my marriage, and all the grand thoughts I had pertaining to my future years. It's hard being alone and thinking of showing up to events alone, and though I'm surrounded by people who love me and my sons so much, it's still very, very difficult. I still feel lonely a lot, and I always feel like there's a dark cloud hanging over my head. I am nothing here, if not real with you, and I know when you read this, that most of you will pray for me and my sons. Thank you! So many of you have reached out to me by email or text, and I could never say thank you enough. Thanks for reading a bit of my heart today, friends, and for your kindness. Love to all.


Jenn 🖤


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29 comments:

  1. I appreciate your heart filled honesty. I am sorry that your year has been so tough. And yet you show up here with reminders to pray and stay in the word. I like your practical tips for helping others who are hurting. And of course the reminder to always be grateful and to be eternally optimistic and easily excitable :). You and your boys are in my thoughts and prayers. Have a great Tuesday, friend!

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    1. Thank you, friend! I know we're in your thoughts a lot. I appreciate that so much!

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  2. When I'm in a bad mood, it always helps to realize that as bad as things seem, there are legions of people in the world worse off than I. Doing volunteer/charity work with poor, elderly, isolated, disadvantaged people is a real eye opener and can drive home the realization that my situation isn't so bad after all. I spend a lot of time in the middle east, there are thousands of people in Lebanon, Gaza who are being slaughtered by American supplied weapons, are starving and homeless. Americans are sheltered by their media from this reality, they should find comfort i the holidays that they were not born Palestinian or Lebanese.

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    1. I agree about helping others who are in need, and I have a night that I'm scheduled to start doing that monthly beginning next week. But my issues are so much deeper than just a bad mood, as you suggested with your comment.

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  3. This is a great post and it's not IF we will ever feel this way, it's WHEN because we all will at some point. I think all of your strategies are spot on, but that doesn't mean they aren't hard to do at times.
    Have you been able to stretch your hospitality muscle and invite people over yet? I wonder it that would be a good thing for you now that the number of dogs is decreased. Shauna Niequest's book Bread and Wine is so inspirational and I have heard Amy Hannon's book is great but I have not been able to find it.

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    1. Thank you! You are so right. Everyone walks through difficult things eventually! I have not really had people over yet. I will have to think about that. I haven't felt up to "entertaining". I've had people over a few times, just one at a time, and that definitely seems more my style. I need to consider doing this, though. Thank you for the idea!

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  4. Jennifer, I am relating to this more than you know. With my husband's health issues, trying to sell a house, moving, dealing with his mom's medicaid and then just normal bills and life, I've felt nothing but overwhelmed the past few months. I think the loneliness just multiplies during times when things seem chaotic. And for you, you lost so much, with the loss of marriage. You are not only grieving your marriage, but the loss of dreams for the future. That's why people say that divorce is like a death. I do feel that the stormy cloud will lift when you move. Recently David had a bad reaction to a medication in the middle of the night. It terrified me. We had been sleeping in the guest room because we thought his mom was going to live with us and needed the bigger room. This past weekend we moved our room to the master. I even changed to an entirely different bedspread and gave the room a totally different look than what we had. It has done wonders for my mind! Our minds are so powerful and can also be our downfall in hard times. We think too much! It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I do agree with Amy...invite some people over. It will give you something to plan for and look forward to. I know that little by little, day by day, you are going to heal and the Lord will work all of this out to give you a future you can't even fathom right now.

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    1. And by the way...do more of these posts :) I appreciate them.

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    2. I know you are, friend, and I appreciate your sweet reminder of all that was lost and the fact that with loss comes grief. Even if I can't stand the person he is now, who lies and who is a narcissist, it's still hard and I am definitely grieving over the thoughts and dreams I had for the future. I know that God has a perfect plan for my life and with that a bright future, but it's hard to see that light at the end of this very long tunnel that I am stuck in.

      I am so sorry that David is going through what he is, and I'm sure that was scary the other night! I'm glad you moved your things to the bigger room and that you changed up your bedding. Those things help tremendously! I love what you said about us thinking too much. That is so true! Thank you for your kind words, my friend. I appreciate you!

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  5. You've dealt with two huge life changes this year, and to have them both happening at the same time has got to have been extremely difficult. I'm glad you have your faith and your friends to help you navigate the rough waters. Sending you and your sweet boys so much love and prayers for your first Christmas season with all the changes.

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    1. It has been difficult to say the least. Even though it's been hard going through the two things together, I honestly prefer it this way to rip off the Band-Aid, so to speak. Thank you for your kind words!

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  6. This post came at the most perfect time - I recently had a Lung CT result that shows something that's never been there before and I have my first appointment to decide what testing to do next and what the plan will be if it's not good. I've been handling it fairly well - between the love/prayers of family and friends and sometimes just burying my head in the sand. But right now - right this moment - my anxiety is through the roof and I'm thinking all of the worst case scenarios. Thank you for reminding me of all the positives I do have and just who is in charge of it all. Praying for you and your boys.

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    1. Oh, Julie. I'm so sorry to hear about your CT scan. I know what it's like having a scary medical diagnosis, and especially dealing with the anxiety that goes along with it! Thank you for sharing this with me today; please know that I will be praying for you to have wisdom, clarity of thought, and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. Thank you for your prayers for us in return, my friend. May the Lord Himself hold you close!

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  7. This heartfelt post just makes me want to give you a big hug. You are truly going through the grieving process this year, and you have to give yourself grace to work through the feelings. I continue to pray for you and the boys.

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    1. I will always take a hug! I haven't had one in a while and would love one, actually. Thank you for your love, your prayers, and for the reminder to have grace for myself. I am working on that everyday, well, that and forgiveness.

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  8. Hugs and prayers from Waco! I am always in awe of the power of your words; such a gift ! Our school superintendent’s wife recently passed from an eight year battle with cervical cancer. She was also an excellent high school English teacher and they have two young adult children. It has hit our community hard so special prayers appreciated for the Faulkner family.

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    1. Thank you, Diane! I really appreciate your encouragement to keep writing this kind of post more often. I am sorry to hear about your friend's wife; it's never an easy time for so great a loss, but it just seems extra bittersweet at Christmas. I will keep all of you in my prayers! Thank you for sharing that with me.

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  9. I read your blog all time but it's the first-time commenting. Your words really struck close to me as I find being alone and loneliness difficult. God promised us that he would be faithful and would see us through trials and tribulations Hugs, keep on keeping on. Some day this will be a distant memory on your path to happiness in Gods provisions. Prayers and a hug for you!

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment today! Being alone is extremely difficult; I've never felt it before, but I often find myself being lonely even when I'm around a room full of people. It's the strangest thing, honestly. God will see us through, though, you are right. He is always so good to us! Thank you for your encouragement today, friend. Much love!

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  10. Oh friend. I am so with you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. It is difficult. I have that scripture framed in my bathroom! You will make it. Grieving all of the firsts and our dreams are a process. Love you!

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    1. I know you get it! I need to hang it in my bathroom along with the others I have there. We will make it and get through, and next year it'll be a memory. Thank you for your friendship and encouragement! Love you!

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  11. Hi Jennifer, I think of you often and will keep you in my prayers. You are grieving and it will take time. I hope your sons have good friends they can lean on also. I’m sure they are grieving as well.

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    1. Thank you for thinking of us so often and for praying for us. I am so glad my sons all have wonderful friends; they've been surrounded by them these last five months. They're so young to have so much grief like they've experienced this year. I am looking forward to the time it isn't so fresh!

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  12. Will continue keeping you and the boys in my prayers- I think you are doing a fabulous job of seeking out the joy and gratitude every day- keep going XO

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  13. I read this yesterday and wanted to comment but for some reason I can't comment on blogs from my phone. It's frustrating. Anyway, this was so well said and I'm glad you write about all you are feeling. I think that is helpful in its own way too. We have to look for the joy and then choose it and that is a daily thing. You're in a season where that feels especially hard, but you seem to be doing a great job of it. Keep on keeping on! You will continue to be in my prayers.

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    1. I go through phases of not being able to use my phone for that too. Technology can be frustrating! Thank you so much for this, friend. I do share a lot here for myself- it feels a little bit like a therapy of its own. I am really trying to keep going and to choose joy each and everyday, and sometimes I succeed! Other days are hard, but I try to go with it and not wallow too much. I pray throughout the day on the hard ones, just to get through. Going to work helps tremendously! I've never been so thankful for a job in all of my life. Thank you for your prayers! They mean more to me than I could ever express.

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  14. Thank you so much for sharing with us at Talking About it Tuesday! This is some really great advice and I love how open and honest you are about what you are going through (without really spilling all the tea that "the public" needs to know). I think you have done such an admirable job about tiptoeing that line between public and private that can be so very hard to do.

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  15. I agree with Joanne. I think you have been very careful about how much you have shared on your blog as you navigate these unfamiliar waters. I am not always as careful and sometimes share too much.
    I can only imagine how difficult the holidays will be this year. Hope you can start some new traditions with your sons.

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