something worth celebrating

 

Happy Tuesday, friends! I didn't think I would post today, but alas, here I am. I saw a video on TikTok this weekend that inspired this post...it was basically about writing prompts, but there is one I wanted to expound on here today. I thought I'd give it a go today and see how it felt, and I may do this again next week.

I had a small win already this week! It wasn't intentional, but it happened, and I'm glad it did. I need to give a little back story first. Yesterday was a great day for me; I haven't been feeling my best lately thanks to changing weather, but I have zero complaints. The day was going along without a hitch, maybe except for the fact that I was tired at work, but things changed when I left. I had to run to the bank to deposit a check I got back from my insurance company from when I had my wreck over the summer. It was actually sent to my ex-husband, but he sent it back to me. Anyway, I went to deposit it, and they wouldn't let me because it had both of our married names typed out on the front. Had it said him or me, I would have been able to make the deposit, but as it was, he had to endorse the freaking thing as well. And y'all, I had this intense moment of anger in the bank, and directed at the teller. I did make things right with her before I left. 

Before I get any snark from you anonymous commenter(s), do not come at me for this. I don't know how many times I can say here that I didn't ever want to be divorced. I didn't want my freaking (know that I'm holding back here by not saying the real F word that I want to say) husband to tell me he didn't love me, that he wasn't happy, and that he had found another woman. Oh, wait...he never told me that, I had to find it out on my own, but I digress. Never in a million years did I want to be right here today, divorced, dating, and still experiencing intense moments of rage when something unexpected sets me off. I didn't want this life, but here I am. I try to be grateful most days, and I am honestly, but yesterday something snapped in me once again. 

This is nothing new for divorced people who didn't want to be divorced, by the way. I'm literally one of millions walking this same journey, and though most of the time I am full of joy and content with life, in the tradition I have of keeping things real here, not everyday is a great day. I'm just being honest and am counting on you to be kind to me in return when you read this. 

I hate divorce. I hate what it has done to my family. I hate what it's done to my personality! I hate that I want to text my ex-husband sometimes still a year and some months later, because I'm used to being friends with him. I hate that he threw away thirty years of a life we built together! I hate that he didn't fight for our marriage when he felt complacent towards me. I hate that he doesn't feel any of this in return, and that when I say something friendly, it's not met with reciprocation. It's just frustrating, and yesterday took me by surprise. But here's the small win for the week, and it was completely unintentional. The Lord knew what was coming, and He's the one who set this up before I know what Monday would look like. I'd mentioned to Mar on Sunday evening that I wanted to cook dinner last night, and I invited her to come. And she did! She had also had a rough day for part of her afternoon, and we needed each other last night, by the time she got to me.

I love it when my phone tells me that Marilyn has arrived at Home. 

We shared a delicious dinner and three margaritas (we each had one and a half). We hugged for so long when she got here, then we just started catching each other up on all the stuff (again, I'm holding back on the real S word I want to use) that took place between the hours of eight a.m. and five p.m. on Monday. It was like therapy! Something else that was like therapy was what commenced after we had dinner and Jonah shared something with us. 

I decided it was time to start burning the old (tainted) wedding dress. All I had the energy for last night was the sleeve, so after cutting it off, we took our drinks and the lighter outside. I wanted to do this last year, but I kind of promised my counselor that I would wait a while before actually doing it in case I would regret the decision. It felt right to start last night, and guess what? I have zero regrets. 

And there we sat, watching it burn while drinking our drinks, for the next hour. This felt like therapy! It also felt like something worth celebrating; thus the idea for this blog post came about when I remember what inspired me on TikTok over the weekend. Something else worth celebrating is God's gifts to me in friends, both likely and unlikely. You've heard me talk about my (new) friend Kendra...she and I became friends when I realized that a guy I dated was using me to get to her the whole time we saw each other. So she and I dated the same guy, but she was engaged to him before she found out about his extra curricular activities dating back to right after they first started dating four years ago; they broke up last year before Christmas, and I met him on Valentine's day of this year. Thank the Lord, I only dated him for a month before ending things. She and I like to say that we trauma bonded over this, and we've compared notes on this terrible man; as crazy as this sounds, and it is, we have become really great friends.

This is Kendra, as in my Wednesday night Rotolo's buddy, Kendra. Isn't she beautiful?! We have shared so much in the weeks that we've known each other, but she's who encouraged me to stop talking to the guy we both dated. I never really stopped talking to him, because he was great at manipulating me into keeping me around, but only to get to her. It's a long, drawn out story, but that's all I want to share here. So yes, friends are something worth celebrating. 

Do you believe in celebrating the small wins in life? I didn't mean to mention the Kendra thing here, but as always when I start writing, things take a turn. It felt like something worth mentioning both in this post and in blog land. Right now I am grateful for the friends I have, especially the ones who have walked this path that I'm currently on. Life is weird, friends, and often hard/sad. What about you...on a different note, have you had a small win at life lately? I'd love to know about it, if your answer to this is yes. I can't wait to hear from you! Thanks for reading my blog, friends, and for your kindness all of the time. I appreciate you all more than I could ever express here. Love to all!

Jenn