a quick word and a possible blog break

 

Hey, friends. I wanted to share a quick post with you this morning that I made on social media yesterday. Here it is below and the words I wrote.

It’s a different and quiet birthday morning. For the second year in a row, I’ve woken up with this deep longing of missing people who used to be in my life, my dad being at the top of that list. It’s weird waking up not knowing if your people will even remember your birthday since they don’t have anyone to remind them anymore. I’m sure they will eventually reach out to me today, they’re good like that.

But it’s different being on your own. I’ve had several cards that I’ve been hanging onto because I wanted to have something to read when I woke up this morning. I’m not one who treasures things, but words? I hang onto those. It was a blessing to save those cards and read all the messages my friends and students at school wrote. Honestly, a lot of them made me cry, but that’s also not a hard thing to do.

I am feeling extremely grateful for another year of life, for my sons, my amazing family, and for this incredible support system of friends who love me dearly. I often don’t feel worthy of that kind of love, but God gave me all of these wonderful people who have been life lines to me. Because of that gratitude and because I’m a reflective kind of person, I spent some time doing one of my favorite things already today: I wrote out a thank You prayer to God in my journal while Christmas worship music played in the background. I savored my coffee and enjoyed not having to rush off so early to be anywhere. I loved waking up to texts and FB birthday messages and responding back to some of the more personal ones (I’ll definitely get back to all of them at some point).

And where else would I want to spend my birthday then at church with so many friends? I’ve been there all weekend, actually, but have loved that time spent singing. I write all of this just to say that I’m grateful for today, for the start of another year of life. Life looks so different than what I thought it would be like, but I’m okay with that. There are still days when I struggle and honestly I felt that when I first woke up today, but the Lord was sweet to turn it around for me. Even saying it all here is like therapy. He really has been faithful to me all of my life. Here’s to year 49.

It was an okay weekend; I don't mean to be all maudlin here, but I feel like I have so many things on my mind. I literally woke up with all the feelings yesterday. I wanted to mention this today, because I honestly don't know if I'll be back here to write this week. Of course that could change and I'll be back each day. I'm okay, nothing has changed with me and Chris, and my family members are all well. It's just me feeling all of the things, and after spending part of last night with Marilyn and telling her this, I may just need a break to prevent even more of the burnout that I'm currently feeling.

I'm only sharing this today because I feel like if I don't, a lot of you will wonder or even text me. I'm open to talking! Just not here. I pray you have the best week, in case I don't "see" you here again for a while. Thanks for always being here to encourage me and to read my posts. Love to all.

Jenn ❤️