Happy Wednesday, friends! I'm linking up with Joyce for today's hodgepodge post. I'll jump right in!
1. Are you ready for some football? On a scale of 1-10, how much of a fan are you (ten is team never miss a game and 1 is here for the snacks)? Who is your team? Theoretically, I love the thought of football and love it being on in the background for noise. I don't follow it super closely or anything like that, but I do like to have it on and watch on occasion. I'm not a die hard fan or anything like that, but I live in the South, and these are the rules. I don't make them, but I follow them. I suppose on a scale of 1-10, I would fall around the 5 mark. I don't really have a "team" of my own; I like SEC teams, though. I'll always pull for one of those, or I'll choose my own hometown team of the U of M Tigers. I follow a lot of these teams on Instagram, so it's fun to watch them from a different perspective.
2. What's something you currently have a game plan for managing? I'll choose to talk about everyday life here. When something traumatic happens in your life, it seems as if time slows down. People step in to take care of you and feed you, and it's honestly a wonderful thing to witness. But when that stops, you realize that life never stopped moving, it's just that you did. I feel as if I'm waking up from a dream sometimes, and then I remember it's real life. I'm taking things a day at a time and being easy on myself as much as I can, but I do have a game plan in place for managing my life again. Baby steps, right?
3. Do you like chicken wings? Hot, mild, or any other flavor? What's a must have food item for you on a tailgate menu? This is something that I'll eat at someone's house (Bill, I'm talking to you) that I enjoy, but I never order this out. I would say that I definitely prefer the mild flavor of wings; Chris loved chicken wings and ordered them all the time when we went out. I would always eat one or two of his. A must have item for me on a tailgate menu would be chips and dips.
4. Teams typically have strict playbooks they follow. What is one unwritten rule or piece of advice in your "life playbook" that you think everyone should know? My unwritten rule of life is to leave a place better, or at least as good as, I found it originally.
5. This is the week we remember and mourn all that was lost and changed on September 11, 2001. I always include a spot for bloggers to share about 9/11. Share as much or as little as you'd like. It's hard to believe it's been twenty five years since that day. I wonder if we knew then the changes this would mean for us going forward. Everything has changed since then, security wise. And understandably so! It's something I'm grateful for: the men and women who protect us.
6. Insert your own random thought here. I had a mental image yesterday of Chris looking down from Heaven, and it just about took me out at work. I could almost see myself running to him the minute I saw him, and he wrapped his arms around me. I know that this isn't theologically correct, so please keep unnecessary comments to yourself. (Talking to you, Anon.) It's almost like I was dreaming, but I was awake. I'd just watched a video from a grief counselor on TikTok, and it just about took my breath away. I was a wreck for the rest of the day. I came home and laid down, and I cried on and off all evening.
I'm so glad I have plans tonight and for the rest of the week/weekend. I need to be busy again! Between that and my sweet friend Sarah from work texting me, and it was just a very emotional and long day. I know that this is all just a part of mourning the loss of someone I loved, but it sucks. There are no other words that will describe it as accurately as that. He wasn't perfect and we had our struggles that we had to overcome, but I miss him so much that it hurts. I feel a dull ache at all times, and it feels fake when I laugh and seem like I'm having a good time.
I keep ending these posts on a sad note. I wish I could say that it'll change, but I don't know when that will happen. Thanks for still being here to read and encourage. I appreciate it more than words can say! Please keep praying for me, I still desperately need them. Thanks, friends. Love to all.
Jen
I am familiar with the dull ache of pain and I'm so sorry you're dealing with it. You write so articulately about your grief. I hope that writing about it helps in a small way. "Life never stopped moving, you did" is so true when something traumatic happens. You hear a piece of bad news and/or experience something traumatic and it's almost surreal to see others just going about their business. You're in my thoughts and prayers...
ReplyDeleteThank you, friend. I went back and read this and so much of it was about that. Yesterday was just a really, really hard day. Today is a new one, though, and I'm grateful for the new mercies of the Lord today! I'm praying for a better (lighter) day. It really is a surreal feeling to be on this side of things...thank you for keeping me in your prayers. I need them!
DeleteOh gosh - I'm so sorry. I think it's healthy to write about it here and 99.9% of your people here in blogland will give you words of support. It still doesn't make sense, and reality has set it now, I'm sure. You have been going on adrenaline and in survival mode. You have to hold it together at school and I'm sure you feel an emotional crash when you can let it go at home. I'm glad you have plans and I understand what you are saying about joy and laughter not feeling authentic right now.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you today, friend.
Thank you! I think it's healthy to write about it here, and I'm so glad people don't seem to mind too much. I was reading/watching videos about this last night; sometimes the grief and reality wait to set in and it's like your body has a delayed reaction to it all. I'm wondering if that's what is going on with me? Or maybe it's just normal for me to have a few good days and then one terrible day. I don't know, but whatever the reason, I do have to actually try to hold it together better today. I cannot have a repeat of yesterday! Thank you for the sweet words and the thoughts. ❤️
DeleteSending you big virtual hugs today! Keep writing, please! And I choose to think that was a beautiful message from Jesus and Chris for you!
ReplyDeleteKeep making those baby steps and you know I love the butterfly analogy! I am glad for your plans this week and hope you are filled with laughter today at work!
ReplyDeleteThere was more to the 9/11 tragedy than most folks realize, building 7 came down even though it wasn't hit, there's much evidence that points to a controlled demolition with the planes as a decoy. For a real eye opener check out the organization "architects and engineers for 9/11 truth" most likely it was an inside job by a small faction of the CIA and Mossad, to drag the US into perpetual ME wars. Something else many don't know, a B-25 bomber flew right into the Empire State Building in 1945 and it didn't come down. If average people knew what the psychopaths that rule the world are really up to, they wouldn't sleep at night.
ReplyDeleteRespectfully, your choice of a response for a person who recently lost their soulmate is lacking compassion.
Deleteyou really don't have any ability to read the room, do you? Maybe step away from the computer and try being kind for a change
DeleteI know people say time heals all pain, but I haven't found that to be true. It dulls the pain for sure, makes it bearable, but it's something we live with and it can rear it's head from time to time, often when we least expect it. You're finding a new way forward and there will be some steps back too. I think it's good to write about it and hope that helps. I hope too you have lots of things on your calendar this fall that bring you joy. I hope today is brighter than the one before.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love and hugs. Taking one day at a time sounds like a good plan.
ReplyDeleteThat is a fantastic unwritten rule for life.
You are human and you are doing a wonderful job! I am glad you have some fun plans to looks forward to! I said chips and dips too :)
ReplyDeleteI cannot begin to imagine the loss that you are enduring, and it sure seems like Chris’ spirit was reaching out to you since you two had such a strong connection. Sending positivity and prayers from Waco.
ReplyDeleteI still think of you very often and I am still praying for you. Grief is so tough to walk through (understatement!!), but it's a necessary journey. Praying for peace and comfort for each day, each step of the way.
ReplyDeleteThrough your words we can feel your grief. Please know that you are in my prayers. (as an aside "anon" had something nasty to say on my blog one day and I was floored!)
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry, Jenn. Yes, I fear that this is how grief and the way through it works. Keeping my fingers crossed for brighter days ahead.
ReplyDeleteI think it's definitely normal to have those days when you feel you're backsliding into grief. I just had a little cry myself while walking down the road... and I had thought that might be behind me.
ReplyDeleteI hope that writing about your grief process is helpful. A loss like that isn't something you get over in a short time, so always give yourself grace and 99.9% of your readers are supportive and loving and many of us are praying for you. For what it's worth, I think images and dreams like the one you had of Chris are gifts from God to encourage and comfort. Blessing for you, my friend, I hope your weekend and the rest of your week goes great and brings you joy.
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