the Wednesday hodgepodge

 

Happy Wednesday, friends! I'm here with Joyce again today for the weekly hodgepodge...this is a post that I dearly love; thank you, Joyce, for your inspiring and thought provoking questions each and every week! I'll jump right in!

1. Are you a naturally trusting person? Is trust built on logic or gut instinct? Does everyone deserve a second chance? Elaborate. Oh, boy. This is a loaded question, if ever there was one! I've always been a trusting person, unfortunately. I feel like this is no longer the case, thanks to the train of my life derailing, but I'm okay with this. I'm a little tougher, a bit more jaded, way more opinionated than ever before, and I think women are amazing. I used to place a lot of value in men, but that's no longer the case either. I think this is mixed with both logic and gut instinct. 

As far as someone deserving a second chance, my belief is that as I have been forgiven, so am I to forgive others. That doesn't mean that women should be doormats, and it doesn't mean staying in a marriage when a partner is unfaithful. If someone is unfaithful once, chances are they'll be unfaithful again. 

2. "Beware the Ides of March"...March 15th on the ancient Roman calendar, these words were made famous by William Shakespeare in his play, Julius Caesar. Caesar was assassinated on March 15, 44 B.C. Have you read any Shakespeare? If so, what was your favorite? Have you ever been to Rome? The only Shakespeare I've ever read was in high school; I remember hating Macbeth and liking Romeo and Juliet. A couple of summers ago, I saw an adaptation of one of his books about a comedy of errors. It was alright. I've never been to Rome! 

3. Do you like a Caesar salad? If given the choice between a garden/house salad or a Caesar salad, which would you choose? Anchovies or no? What's your favorite dressing? I love a Caesar salad! If given the option of that or a garden salad, it would depend on my mood. I love them both! I love the Olive Garden version of Italian dressing, but other than that, I really love oil and vinegar. I've eaten salad with both anchovies and without. I used to like them, but nowadays? Not so much. 

4. Where do you typically work (or blog if that's the case) at home? Do you have a designated office space? Are you happy with that space? I sit on my couch with my laptop to write here; I usually have music playing, or some show on for background noise. I do have a designated work spot, though: the desk in my living room, You may remember that a few weeks ago, I cleaned it off, organized is better, and changed the decor. I use this space to keep up with important paperwork that I might need to easily access and any paper bills that come in the mail. Now that I've reworked this little space, I'm really happy with how it turned out! 

I like for things to function well for me, but I also have an insatiable need for a space to look visually appealing. I love to decorate in my home, and I change it up all the time! 

5. Snowdrops, daffodils, lenten roses, crocus, hyacinth, or early tulips...what's your favorite early spring flower? I love seeing daffodils on the roadside as I drive! It's a sure sign that spring has arrived. 

6. Insert your own random thought here. I had family over to celebrate Jonah, Noah (not here), and Graham last night for their birthdays. Anytime with family is always a great time! I chose to be fully in the moment and had my phone away from me all night, therefore I have no pictures to share. I'm okay with this! It was a great night. On another note, I'm going to be candid here and share something from my private life. 

My ex-husband is getting remarried. I found out about this on my birthday, back in December, and I can't fully explain the reaction I had to the news. I definitely don't miss him in my life and would never in a billion years want to be married to him again, but I have to confess that it felt like another stab that he's marrying the woman he left me for. Additionally, I've realized that I cannot be friends with either of them, for obvious reasons. There was a day that I tried to do that, but it's not possible. I have an issue seeing her post pictures of my sons on her social media account; I don't check out anything of either of them, but I have people who do. I cannot quite put into words how this makes me feel, but it's not a great feeling. 

I share this to say that most days I'm great. I'm in love with an amazing man that I wasn't even looking for, and I'm happier and more at peace than I've ever been in my whole life. I've never been loved the right way, and Chris loves me in the way that I have always wanted and dreamed about. I would go through all of that again to feel how I feel today. Even so, I have days that I am so mad that I feel like I'm breathing fire. I'm still so disgusted by and mad at the man that I wasted almost thirty years of my life on, and yes, I know that it wasn't all wasted time, but still. I still struggle at how my life looks now versus how I thought it would look as I grew older. 

I guess I share this to ask for prayers on my own behalf. I rarely ask for anything here, but I don't like feeling all of these feelings. I don't like walking around angry and experiencing this gut wrenching emotion over the thought of another woman playing "bonus mom" to my sons. My sons have an amazing mom, and they don't need some other damn woman with five kids of her own offering up advice and embarrassing my sons in front of women they date. (Yes, that happened and I am pissed about it.) Sorry to curse here, but I am feeling some pretty strong feelings as I write this on Wednesday night, after spending hours with my son Drew and his girlfriend Mallory. The conversation we had was enlightening to say the least. I can't even process it all, honestly.

Anyway...your prayers wouldn't be wasted on me, is all I'm saying. Thank you in advance. I'm prepared to take some backlash from this, but this is my little space here that I use and pay for. I'll remove any unwanted comments that happen, if they come. Because I am me, I am going to end this portion of the post on a positive note. I'm grateful that my life has turned out this way. I love my job and I thank God everyday that I get to go to work at a place I love, with people who are friends, and getting to make a small difference in many little lives. I can honestly say that in the words of CeCe Wimans singing my favorite song, The Goodness of God, that all my life, God has been faithful to me. He is so, so good; He always has been and He always will be, I am confident of this.

Thank you for being here to read my blog each day, and thank you for the kind words you always offer to me. I appreciate you all more than you'll ever know! I'll see you back here tomorrow, friends. Love to all!

Jenn