Happy Wednesday, friends! I'm here with Joyce again today for the weekly hodgepodge...this is a post that I dearly love; thank you, Joyce, for your inspiring and thought provoking questions each and every week! I'll jump right in!
1. Are you a naturally trusting person? Is trust built on logic or gut instinct? Does everyone deserve a second chance? Elaborate. Oh, boy. This is a loaded question, if ever there was one! I've always been a trusting person, unfortunately. I feel like this is no longer the case, thanks to the train of my life derailing, but I'm okay with this. I'm a little tougher, a bit more jaded, way more opinionated than ever before, and I think women are amazing. I used to place a lot of value in men, but that's no longer the case either. I think this is mixed with both logic and gut instinct.
As far as someone deserving a second chance, my belief is that as I have been forgiven, so am I to forgive others. That doesn't mean that women should be doormats, and it doesn't mean staying in a marriage when a partner is unfaithful. If someone is unfaithful once, chances are they'll be unfaithful again.
2. "Beware the Ides of March"...March 15th on the ancient Roman calendar, these words were made famous by William Shakespeare in his play, Julius Caesar. Caesar was assassinated on March 15, 44 B.C. Have you read any Shakespeare? If so, what was your favorite? Have you ever been to Rome? The only Shakespeare I've ever read was in high school; I remember hating Macbeth and liking Romeo and Juliet. A couple of summers ago, I saw an adaptation of one of his books about a comedy of errors. It was alright. I've never been to Rome!
3. Do you like a Caesar salad? If given the choice between a garden/house salad or a Caesar salad, which would you choose? Anchovies or no? What's your favorite dressing? I love a Caesar salad! If given the option of that or a garden salad, it would depend on my mood. I love them both! I love the Olive Garden version of Italian dressing, but other than that, I really love oil and vinegar. I've eaten salad with both anchovies and without. I used to like them, but nowadays? Not so much.
4. Where do you typically work (or blog if that's the case) at home? Do you have a designated office space? Are you happy with that space? I sit on my couch with my laptop to write here; I usually have music playing, or some show on for background noise. I do have a designated work spot, though: the desk in my living room, You may remember that a few weeks ago, I cleaned it off, organized is better, and changed the decor. I use this space to keep up with important paperwork that I might need to easily access and any paper bills that come in the mail. Now that I've reworked this little space, I'm really happy with how it turned out!
I like for things to function well for me, but I also have an insatiable need for a space to look visually appealing. I love to decorate in my home, and I change it up all the time!
5. Snowdrops, daffodils, lenten roses, crocus, hyacinth, or early tulips...what's your favorite early spring flower? I love seeing daffodils on the roadside as I drive! It's a sure sign that spring has arrived.
6. Insert your own random thought here. I had family over to celebrate Jonah, Noah (not here), and Graham last night for their birthdays. Anytime with family is always a great time! I chose to be fully in the moment and had my phone away from me all night, therefore I have no pictures to share. I'm okay with this! It was a great night. On another note, I'm going to be candid here and share something from my private life.
My ex-husband is getting remarried. I found out about this on my birthday, back in December, and I can't fully explain the reaction I had to the news. I definitely don't miss him in my life and would never in a billion years want to be married to him again, but I have to confess that it felt like another stab that he's marrying the woman he left me for. Additionally, I've realized that I cannot be friends with either of them, for obvious reasons. There was a day that I tried to do that, but it's not possible. I have an issue seeing her post pictures of my sons on her social media account; I don't check their accounts, but I have people who do. I cannot quite put into words how this makes me feel, but it's not a great feeling.
I share this to say that most days I'm great. I'm in love with an amazing man that I wasn't even looking for, and I'm happier and more at peace than I've ever been in my whole life. I've never been loved the right way, and Chris loves me in the way that I have always wanted and dreamed about. I would go through all of that again to feel how I feel today. Even so, I have days that I am so mad that I feel like I'm breathing fire. I'm still so irritated that I wasted almost thirty years of my life on, and yes, I know that it wasn't all wasted time, but still. I still struggle at how my life looks now versus how I thought it would look as I grow older.
I guess I share this to ask for prayers on my own behalf. I rarely ask for anything here, but I don't like feeling all of these feelings. I don't like walking around angry and experiencing this gut wrenching emotion over the thought of another woman playing "bonus mom" to my sons. My sons have an amazing mom, and they don't need some other woman with five kids of her own offering up advice and embarrassing my sons in front of women they date.
Anyway...your prayers wouldn't be wasted on me, is all I'm saying. Thank you in advance. I'm prepared to take some backlash from this, but this is my little space here that I use and pay for. I'll remove any unwanted comments that happen, if they come. Because I am me, I am going to end this portion of the post on a positive note. I'm grateful that my life has turned out this way. I love my job and I thank God everyday that I get to go to work at a place I love, with people who are friends, and getting to make a small difference in many little lives. I can honestly say that in the words of CeCe Winans singing my favorite song, The Goodness of God, that all my life, God has been faithful to me. He is so, so good; He always has been and He always will be, I am confident of this.
Thank you for being here to read my blog each day, and thank you for the kind words you always offer to me. I appreciate you all more than you'll ever know! I'll see you back here tomorrow, friends. Love to all!
Jenn
I think there is a HUGE difference between second chances and forgiveness! Just because I can forgive someone doesn't mean they'll get a second chance.
ReplyDeleteJenn, you have every right to be angry! I mean, you gave all those years to a man who threw it all away and now wants to marry his mistress. Who wouldn't be mad? And personally, I hope your sons will come to the conclusion that they don't have to have a relationship with the mistress if they don't choose to. Just because their dad decided she was someone, doesn't mean the boys have to. They are grown men and they shouldn't sit and take verbal abuse (disguised as "teasing") from anyone. Likewise, if you marry Chris and he's a jerk to them, they don't have to deal with him either. Parents need to quit forcing kids to endure this mess. I'm speaking from experience. My mom married a man I couldn't stand to be around. I was a grown woman and refused to call him my step dad just because my mom chose to marry him. But yeah...it would be hard for me to keep my mouth shut about someone who abuses my kids. But...all that to say...you've been making such great progress. Keep looking forward and just let them do their thing (the jerk and the mistress). It won't last. I'm sorry you've had to put up with this.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I love most about you and your blog is how honest and transparent you are- these feelings and emotional are real and you are allowed to be human-my gosh. You have rocked the toughest time of your life and have come out the other side. I totally get it. You are blessed with Chris, your sons, your job and your circle- you are so loved. My advice is to feel the pain- feel the anger- work through all of that. Eventually it won't hurt as much- it won't make you as angry and you find peace with it all but it takes time my friend- you got this
ReplyDeleteYou are human! I wonder if just by writing about your feelings you will be helped in the process. I get those feelings. It stings. Because we are human, we want people who do the right thing to be rewarded and those who do crappy things to get their comeuppance. Right? Keep holding your head high and living your life on your terms. Your sons know the truth and they are the only ones who matter.
ReplyDeleteI hate you to be hurt in any way, friend. I will pray that you come to a peace about the situation.
Healing & heartbreak aren't linear & it's totally normal to feel the full range of emotions even when you know you're better off & would not want to be back with them ever in a billion years.
ReplyDeleteOur past experiences do change how we trust people. I have learned that over the last few years.
ReplyDeleteThe only Shakespeare I read was when I was at school too and I wasn't a big fan.
I love having a laptop so I can sit in my armchair and blog. I love the idea of a desk but I don't think I'd use it.
It sounds like a good evening celebrating your boys!
It is understandable that you can't be friend with your ex and his new partner, you tried. It makes me so happy that you and Chris found each other. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs.
I LOVE your answer to #1. I very much relate to that. I am thinking of you and praying for you in regards to your ex remarrying. I truly can't imagine how you are feeling, but I do know that your feelings are valid. My parents divorced when I was 11, and they nor my step parents are friends. And honestly? I'm grateful for that.They are cordial when we're all together but that's about it. I really don't think I could handle them all getting along all the time 😂.
ReplyDeleteI am Team Jenn and you know you have my prayers, and I am thankful you are such a faithful prayer partner. Your feelings toward this situation are validated and totally understandable. On a lighter note, I love how you styled your desk for design and function.
ReplyDeleteYou express yourself so beautifully and honestly and I love that about you! And two things can be true at the same time- you can know you need to forgive but you can still feel a lot of emotion! You can love Chris but feel mixed, weird emotions about your ex getting remarried. So much for you to process! Know you have my prayers!
ReplyDeleteI have been a lurky reader for a long time but never posted. This post just made my heart hurt for you, and honestly, not because of the ex situation, (this made me think of this song which makes me giggle... https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jaronandthelongroadtolove/prayforyou.html) but the fact that it almost pained you to ask for prayers. My friend, this is why we follow you, you are real, honest and so, so faithful. Don't ever be afraid to ask for prayers, this is such a small thing we can do to love on you. :)
ReplyDeleteA million emotions. Many that I cannot identify with - but I promise to be praying for you. Sending you a hug -
ReplyDeleteOh Jenn, my heart hurts for you. The pain and all the feelings you are having are completely understandable. I think the kid piece would put me over the top too. Perhaps having the distance as opposed to trying to remain friends will be better for you in the long term. It's complicated and emotional and messy and you should never resist asking for prayer. It is our privilege to pray for one another and I have you on my list : ) I am excited to give you a real life hug soon!!
ReplyDeleteThat's really tough news, and it is completely understandable that it has brought up so many negative emotions. Praying for you! I'm glad you had a good birthday dinner for the boys and yea! for being present in the moment.
ReplyDeleteThe really cool thing about the Lord is that He can handle ALL of our emotions, can't He? and it's ok to feel them!! I truly cannot imagine my husband leaving me after 30 years. Wow. I am going to pray for you to have peace in your spirit, heart, and mind. I say good riddance...and you know what? who's to say he won't get tired of wife #2 and do the same thing with her that he did with you? (my dear friend E had that happen!!). And she has FIVE of her own kids??? yikes.
ReplyDeleteI say, feel the feelings but also allow God's comforting arms to embrace you, thank Him for that new man He brought to you, and know that you are loved!!
Hi Jenn,
ReplyDeleteLife is long. Cheating is a pattern. There are spouses who cheat on their original partner. Some of them cheat again on their new partner. If I am not mistaken, from a statistical standpoint, second marriages last much shorter than first marriages. Perhaps this situation needs more time to play out fully.
To illustrate my point, I will give you an example from my own life: In late 2024, one of my kids was in a situation where they were treated very unfairly and let down majorly by their closest group of friends. As a consequence, kid did have to make major adjustments to their life circumstances at a moment's notice. I was very upset at the time and could not understand why nobody in charge stood up for my kid. 15 months later I look back and I could not be more grateful for what had happened and for the adjustments we had to make. These horrible circumstances put my kid right where they were meant to be in the first place. The whole situation had to blow up, there was no way around it. Someone was clearly looking out for kid, even though the picture at the time looked very different.
To cut a long story short: You will get the complete happy ending that you deserve. Every piece of the puzzle will eventually fall into place. On the way there, just hold your head up high, live your life how you were always meant to live it with Chris, your sons, family and girlfriends by your side.
Karma will take care of the rest.
Best wishes from a faraway friend
I love reading your blog because I love how honest you are in this space. I know it's hard to share your feelings for all the world to see, but I'm glad that you do so we can all lift you up in prayer. I'm so sorry that you're going through all this, but just know that you have so many people who are in your corner. Let yourself feel the feelings, keep your head high, and keep looking to God who can get you through all the things! Sending lots of love.
ReplyDelete