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Today is our twenty first wedding anniversary.  I thought I'd share a little about marriage tips and tricks we have learned or been given over the years. 

My favorite advice came from an author whose books I love.

Ten Secrets To A Happy Marriage (as written by Karen Kingsbury)

1. God has us here to serve one another. Love acted out is serving.

2. Women need respect and nurturing. Love your wife so she knows you'd lay your life down for her. Continue to date and admire her. Share a hobby~find something you can do to have fun together.

3. Laugh often.

4. Be patient. Love crumbles quickly under the weight of unmet expectations.

5. Spend more time trying to fix yourself than your spouse.

6. Keep short accounts. The Bible says, "Do not let the sun go down while you are angry." Make it a habit to forgive.

7. Determine up front that divorce is not an option.

8. Learn about love languages. Not all people show love or receive it the same way. You want a back rub and your wife wants a clean kitchen. The love languages are fairly simple: acts of service, time, physical touch, gifts and words of affirmation. Learn them. Love is better received when it's in the language the person speaks. (The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman)

9. Words of affirmation are a love language for all men. Use them often!

10. Men are born to be leaders. He cannot lead unless she gives him the confidence to do so. If you love your husband, build him up. Confident men do not seek love outside the home.

I shared this list five years ago for the first time, and I copy and pasted it, hence the large and slanted print.  I couldn't figure out how to change it, but for those of you with bad eyes, you're welcome.  ;)

One thing that isn't listed but that should be number one is this: Marriage is hard most days.  I cannot imagine being married and not knowing Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  If you do know Him, and are a follower and a believer of His, put Him first.  Don't make your spouse God by putting them into that number one spot.  The correct order of importance is as follows:

God
Spouse
Kids
Everyone else.

It's simple, and if you keep God first, as you both grow in your relationship with the Lord, you will grow closer to each other.  Picture a triangle with God at the top, and you and your spouse at the bottom corners.  As you each move up toward God, you're getting closer and closer. 

Something else that has really hit close to my heart in more recent years is how our marriage is supposed to represent Jesus.  We are to consider one another and their needs, before considering our own.  As a wife, I am supposed to submit to my husband, and allow him to lead me and our family.  As a husband, he is supposed to love his wife, as the Lord loves His church (people, not a building).  

We are nowhere near perfect, I assure you.  We both have major issues that the Lord is always refining us through.  I love that piece of advice Karen Kingsbury gives~work on yourself more than on your spouse.  When I am wrong, I say I'm sorry.  Sometimes in person, sometimes via text.  He does the same.  We've gotten softer toward each other, as the years have gone by, and we've learned to be a united front as a couple of parents to our teenagers.  

Todd is a wonderful husband.  He never complains about what I make (or don't make) for dinner.  Even if it's terrible, he'll just say, "That wasn't my favorite."  He is a hard worker.  He is never lazy, and has tried to instill that in our boys.  He is an amazing dad to our guys.  He is hands on and attentive to them. 

I'm so glad he's all mine. 

Happy twenty one years to us, Toddley.  I love you a lot. 

Love to all.