thank you

 

Dear friends, 

Thank you for reaching out to me lately as many of you have; thank you for always encouraging and supporting me. I'm devastated to tell you that my beloved Chris ran into the arms of Jesus on Friday night. We had thought he was getting better, but over the course of a couple of nights, he took a turn for the worse. His body couldn't handle the septic shock and double pneumonia, young as he was. He honestly shouldn't have died because of his age, his healthy lifestyle, and because he was in the ICU; but even if this shouldn't have happened, I have to remind myself that God numbers our days. He knew that Chris would be born at a certain time, and that he would die at a certain time. I believe that God knew that Chris had fulfilled his purpose here on earth, and then He called him home. 

I'm forever changed by this man. Through him, my damaged heart healed. Through him, my sons found refuge in having someone to talk to for wise advice, support, and encouragement. Through him, I found out for the first time what it is like to be truly loved the right way by a man. I'm grateful for the time I had with him, and I will miss him until my dying breath. 

I don't really understand why things like this happen, and that's okay. I have questions that I keep asking God, but I know that He loves me. He knows what heartache feels like and He records the tears I cry and treasures them. It's with Him that I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I will make it through this. I have Him by my side, and I have the love and strength of an army of people here with me. 

My sons have barely left my side. My sister Lisa flew in on a redeye flight Friday night/Saturday morning and slept in the Atlanta airport as she waited to come home to me. Trish has been here to do all the practical things that need doing, and I've FaceTimed Debi a few times since she can't be here. My Missy has been with me a lot, as well as Marilyn and my co-workers. It's been nonstop traffic at my house, and I'm grateful. I've also had to ask people to leave so that I could go to bed or take a nap. It's been so much, but again...the body of Christ in the form of the church is incredible, and I am surrounded.

I've received cards, food for the army of people that are here with me, flowers, Door Dash gift cards...and many words of love. Many, many prayers have been spoken over us all as we grieve. In the midst of my grief, I'm planning his funeral. Chris' dad is alive, but his mental wellbeing isn't in the best state. He's thrown out some opinions, but it's me and Lisa that have planned the funeral and fought the life insurance company to ensure it would be able to be held on Friday of this week. I've also had to deal with his truck and camper that were at my house, so we've been all over the city to see where we had to go to turn things back into the bank.. And his dogs are still at my house, y'all. I've decided to keep our little Reese, but I cannot keep his other two. Please pray that these dogs are rehomed to someone who will love them as much as Chris did. It tears me up to have to do that, but I simply cannot keep them. It's too much. 

I just wanted to write here for a bit and say hello and tell you what was going on. Please keep us all in your prayers as we walk toward Friday and his funeral. I anticipate the weekend being hard on me when the dust settles, so to speak, and it's after that final piece of closure, so I'll need some plans. I plan on going back to work on Monday, though, and I cannot wait. I need to be back there as soon as possible. I need to be with all of my people and I hope to stay busy. 

Life will look different for me in the coming days and I will have to adjust to a new normal again, but I'm okay with that. I have a plan in place and I have people that I will lean on; I'm also planning on returning to my old church, as they are the ones that are my family right now and I need them the most. And honestly, I don't think I can go back to the new one we'd been going to without Chris, because we loved it there so much. I need familiar right now, and my friends at CFBC are the ones that feel like that. I'm so grateful to have this "problem", though...how amazing is the body of Christ? 

I may be back here on Monday just to restart my new normal again...I can't say that with certainty, but being here is like therapy for me, and so is writing. Thank you for reading my words and encouraging me. Thanks for cheering me in on my journey with Chris this last year; it was unforgettable. I know I'll have joy once again soon...I know he would have wanted me to carry on with my life. 

Love to all.

Jen ❤️